The Shift That Made Foreign Language Practice Work With Her Teen

If you have a teenager, you’ve probably noticed this: the more you try to manage foreign language practice, the less engaged they become.

In this interview from TalkBox.Mom Week, René talks honestly about what happened when she brought her Type A instincts into foreign language learning—and why that approach didn’t work with her teen.

Then she shares the shift that led to more engagement—and a very different response from her teen.

Hi, I’m Adelaide from TalkBox.Mom, where we help your family talk in a foreign language the same day you start our program.

As you read, pay attention to what René stops doing—and what her teen starts doing instead. Add your thoughts in the comments as you read. I love going through them!

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Adelaide: What’s your secret for showing up so enthusiastically when you practice?

René: I am so thankful for the Crew and for you because I have to totally listen to what you say.

Like, I’m like, she said have fun, and she said, turn up the fun. And then like you say, really helpful things like just leave the type A me. Just, the type A is just not even part of this. I’ve tried that before. I tried teaching Spanish to my kids and I was all type A and it was a total failure. So I have to, my secret is like just to listen to you, like show up.

Like usually I am in my pajamas, sorry, everybody or my bathrobe and my hair’s a mess and, but I’m like, you know what? It’s time to do Spanish and this is gonna be fun. And then I just like be quiet and go, “I don’t have to be in control of this.” Like, “We are here to have fun,” and that really works for us.

Adelaide: That’s really awesome. I would have no idea that you were having like type A tendencies when you’re practicing because I can just see you and Jake having just such a blast together. I’ve definitely seen you shoot a water gun into his mouth and I think that was for, I’m thirsty.

René: Yeah, it was. Yes, everywhere.

Adelaide: I have seen – what else did I write down? You guys run around a parked car. She was actually dressed fully when that happened, so don’t worry. She wasn’t in a bathrobe running around a parked car. And I have seen you guys mime your deodorant phrases, which are great for teens. So that was pretty funny with all the stinky everything, just like, so fun.

So whose ideas are these? Do you come up with idea? Does your teenager come up with the idea? Is it collaborative?

René: They’re mostly him because he just needed to be in charge of it and not me. And so that it’s his. And when it first, when he first started, and his ideas are sometimes crazy, you know, like crazy.

Like when he said water gun, I thought he was gonna squirt me. So I quickly said, great idea. And, and I took it and squirted him. So that was, that’s how that worked out. But I just realized right away I could take control of it and, and then that would like turn the fun way down on him. And I thought if I’m just quiet, he’ll have to come up with something.

And at first he didn’t think, he didn’t think he wanted to do it, but then the videos really help because like, Nolan, your kids are there and he’s like, oh, or Kelley’s son is there and he’s like, oh no, this is gonna be fun. So he just like makes it a thing. And if he’s too slow, then I’ll give a idea that’s really bad.

And that kind of motivates him, to like come up with his own, he is like, oh, that’s bad.

Adelaide: Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him our secrets.

René: Yeah, so I just wait and then, and he comes up with it. And the other kids who were there, you can see the other families getting started. And so it’s like really motivating. It’s like positive peer pressure, and then when people type their ideas, I step back now and I pretend like I’m busy in the kitchen.

And so he types everything and so he can read the ideas and he’s, I think it’s motivating because you see, oh wow, they’re having a lot of fun. Even if people are different ages because he’s like, you know, older. But like, people have good ideas and it motivates him. He’s like, oh we gotta do this because, you know.

Adelaide: He’s like, I have to do, I have to have the best idea.

I’m gonna outdo their idea. Okay. You’ve given us some really great tips that like if you’re quiet, they’ll come up with it.

René: Yeah!

Adelaide: It’s just, these are really great.

René: He’s like, we’re gonna be on the floor. Whatever we do, we’re gonna be on the floor, get the computer and put it on the floor. I’m crawling, so.

Adelaide: Okay. And you just say yes.

René: I do. It’s very fun. It’s like the best part of the day because we’re laughing and you know, like someone else is kind of teaching it. I’m not in charge of this so like why not just go along for the ride and have fun.

Adelaide: I love, I love that so much. Thanks for sharing that. And then because you’ve been sharing that, I just wanna know like how do you feel like this has a, being part of the Consistency Crew has affected your relationship with your teenager?

René: Oh, it’s totally improved it because he’s funny. Like even when he is quiet or tired, like it’s fun to kind of poke at each other and go, oh come on, you got this. Or oh, you know, like to encourage each other with an idea. Yeah, I think it’s helped a lot because it’s helped me to step back and let him take more control and yeah, it has helped a lot.

Adelaide: That’s so cool. I just see him shine, so I’m like, oh, I thought he shined all the time. All the time shine! That’s very cool. And then what do you do if you’re not feeling enthusiastic to practice? Does that happen?

René: Yeah, it does happen, but it’s really nice because we’ve done it long enough that we kind of have started some systems.

Because in the Consistency Crew, you say, what worked for you this week and what didn’t work? What, what do you need to improve? So that makes me think about it and I’m like, oh, you’re right. Like this is, this is giving us problems. Jake wakes up really early, so. You make it sound so nice, like choose a phrase, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.

And I started out doing that, but I realized like he’s ready to go first thing in the morning. So I started setting up my phrases in advance and not in a, not in a type A way, just in a way so that in the morning I’m ready and I don’t already have that set up. And so that makes it really great because then my app is ready.

I’ve actually already written it out and then we can just start. So it makes our first step so much easier because then in the morning it’s like, what are we going to eat? I don’t know. What are we gonna do? I don’t know. What’s the weather? But this is ready to go. Because just like last night or maybe on Monday, I sit down and I write out a few of them.

So we’re ready to go. So that’s the thing that’s really makes it easier for us, just making it our own, you know?

Adelaide: Yeah. I love that. And you’ve been in the Consistency Crew a while, so has it moved you forward towards your goals?

René: Yeah, it really has. One thing that helped us a lot, because the, like I said, every Monday that the, you send that little questionnaire and so I was like, we are not reviewing our phrase in the week very good. And we found the perfect spot now to put our card with where we have it written out. It’s right at the window by the sink where we see it. So now we’re reviewing all the time. It’s so fun. But we drive a lot and so that’s why you see us in the car. Like we ran around the car that day. So it’s really nice because we can take it with us.

We just, I just grab the, I have the app and we’ll either review in the car or if I grab, you know, the, I like to be able to read it at the same time. It just helps us retain it. So if I grab our paper then we just do it in the car too. So we just make it our own.

Adelaide: I love that you show up busy. I really love it.

René: Yeah.

Adelaide: This is awesome. Is there anything else you wanna share?

René: Just how much we love it. We’re really thankful for you guys, and I’m so thankful. Like at first, I, you were on my nerves because you were saying not you type, you type A mom and I was like, oh, she, she’s get, she’s got me.

Oh no, but when you say that, it’s really helpful because I’m like, that’s true. I’m gonna ruin it by clinging, you know, to my own control. So I appreciate the friendly reminders you give to the moms and Yeah. Yeah. So we’re really appreciative.

Adelaide: It’s, it’s as comrades, so it’s okay.

René: Yeah. Yeah. We’ll get there. We’ll get there.

Adelaide: Yeah. I love it. Okay, René, thank you so much for sharing with us. It was so fun to have you on, and I’m so happy you’re part of the Consistency Crew.